Dating the ex wife
You mentioned that you have a great life, you love where you are right now, you have a great self-employed job, home and friends, and you look after your elderly parents.And if you were to be with his man long-term, you would likely have to relocate.Early days but I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with his situation and really don’t want to be his counsellor for his wife.Yesterday he asked me to have compassion on his wife as she’s lost everything – he had just told her about me. Dear Brave and Wanting Wisdom, I feel your concern. I know this is not an easy field to navigate and I’ll do my best to address your questions.However it shows up, it shows up as a preoccupation with her and the past.So, sleeping with his ex-wife within three months of meeting you is definitely a red flag that he hadn’t moved on.Divorce is often described as the “death of a civilization” because a marriage is like a civilization with its own people, norms, and complex history…
When we think of major events in our life as transitions, we can visualize these life transitions as a continuum where there are stages, just as there are stages of grief when we lose someone close to us.
In my response, I provide the tell-tale signs that he’s not over his ex-wife, how to tell whether he’s ready for a relationship with you, and how to know whether you should “stick it out” of run for the hills: He divorced his drug-taking wife of 14 years a year ago when she became violent and abusive to their two kids and him and when she refused to stop taking drugs and sleeping around.
But he then tried to win her back after the divorce and last slept with her within three months of meeting me. His children also have special needs and he comes from a really dysfunctional family. I would need to locate to his city, very far away in order for his kids to continue their education and keep their stability.
It feels limited because as far as being able to commit and function in a new relationship with you in a normal, healthy, open way—he would not be available to do that if he hasn’t resolved his previous relationship.
I don’t doubt it when you say that you get along so well and have the same faith and interests.
Those shared interests and chemistry are likely what attracted you two together! But shared interests and chemistry are only part of the equation when it comes to long-term relationship success.